i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
