Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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