Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can I color on your dick again?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
