Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
