You're my little dorito
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
