Do you still have your period?
if only i could text you this smell
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
