Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
