You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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