i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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