Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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