"it" just moved
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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