I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
