so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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