The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
