In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
