You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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