i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
