Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
