The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
