So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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