My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
