Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
