Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
