he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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