He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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