he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
