Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm too high and old for this...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
