I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
