i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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