Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
