So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
