is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
