went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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