where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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