I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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