Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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