do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
