I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
