Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
