Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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