My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
