so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
