wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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