READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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