woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
