She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
