I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
