I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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