dude i'm inner monologue high
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
