Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
