Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
